The Greatest Distance covered by man, is sometimes the distance between two people. 

                                                                         - A tagline from the movie ‘300’.

 This line set my thoughts off… I had a flicker of an idea, about the topic of my next blog. Two people, the different perspectives, separate desires, dreams and ambitions, which never met, and how the distance was never covered. That elusive vanishing point never attained. But somehow I couldn’t unlock the creative juice, and hence devoid of words.

Something at the back of my mind it irked me, constantly pinged me, about the truth in these words. No, it isn’t as elusive as it seems. People die, and are reborn, great distances are traveled, greater desires are fulfilled, relationships are broken, hearts are won, and soul searching is never interrupted. In this eternal quest of mind hunting, the distance between two minds are always traveled. “We” survive this journey. But what about the journey within us? The most neglected, yet the most sought after. The most confusing, yet once decoded, the most cherished. What about our journey, between dreams and ambition, our bliss and fate, our heart and mind?

We travel the world in the blink of an eye, we marvel at the 7 wonders of the world, but how many times did we look at the dewdrops on the edge of a grass, and marveled at it? The appreciation of one’s self. How many of us do it? Not me, not you. How many of us know what we really are? God damned confused we are… when it comes to identifying ourselves.

“ I want to be a journalist, but I ended up being an computer science grad, I wanted to get into the biggest software firm in India, I had that wish fulfilled, but now I want to do an Masters and work for Indian Space Research Organization. I cracked GATE (an all India exam for the masters) but now I want to go for a fat paycheck and stick to my current job, I don’t want to leave India, and work in the US, but who knows, a fatter paycheck can imbibe my dreams I once saw, and I change my mind, and I choose my fate, instead of my bliss”

This confused we all are, when pursuing our dreams. We peddle to our dreams. May be we reach it, but when we reach it, all we perceive is that it has been a mirage. Some more crossroads, some couple of miles, once again that elusive mirage, and we plunge into greed, to that yardstick to happiness.

What goes wrong every time? When we have a vision in our minds, and each time we deviate from it? The day when I wanted to be a journalist, I wanted myself to be heard, voiced. That was a particular dream. But I feared the insecurities, I feared my destiny, I didn’t believe in me, my inner self, my own voice. And when you can’t believe your own voice, how can you expect others to believe in your voice? I feared failure. A half hearted belief.

 So I tread on to that tried and tested line. I became a computer literate. I had a dream. I became a techie. The dream was fulfilled. The conflict rose out of ashes. I wanted to be heard, to voice my thoughts. I had a dream once more. I thought of working for ISRO. And unless you do your Masters’ you are not eligible. I went for it. I crossed the first stepping stone, for that dream. But once again I feared the insecurities; I didn’t believe in myself, that I can go through the road less traveled. I deviated. I wanted to stick on to my tried and tested life. A lucrative fate. My bliss returned from my doorstep once again.  Once again a half hearted belief.

Hi, dear readers, how many times in life have you left your dreams like I have done, to follow, fate, how many times have you given preference to your rational mind than your bliss? How many times did you leave your mom, and chose a posting in the , just because of a larger life? How large has your life been when you have doubts about who are? When you don’t know your dreams? How big your life has been when you let those small insecurities swallow all the positivism in you? And you say that you are happy, swimming in this false sense of security, is this, the yardstick to happiness? How many days have been there, when you wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come to your eyes?  How many times did you miss your mother’s kiss on your forehead, when you were sick? How many times did you wish you LIVE that second life of yours?

Why do we love the feeling of nostalgia? Why do love to leaf though the old, torn pages of your diaries? That’s because it’s the time, we recollect our thoughts. Our simple, stupid wishes come swarming in. and we have that ironic smile at the corner of our mouths. We push everything down the gutter, after a while saying “childish thoughts ha! I wish to go back into those days.” That’s all. One moment of positivity, flows down, and all negative vibes hugs you, saying “but aren’t you happy now?” and you reply to yourself, “Yes, I am. I am successful” And you fail to notice your mind closing the path to your dreams. 

Hence our journey of self realization begun, to heal our inner selves and where every time, we falter. We overlook the most obvious, and follow the alternative path, the short cut to success. What we constantly project ourselves as, are we really that? Don’t you feel that this life you are living is not yours? At your home, it’s the life of your nearest ones that you live. You give in to their pleasures and happiness, at times neglecting your own. At office it’s your boss’s life that you live, you have to oblige to decisions that might not be yours. At your social circle, you live your friends’ life, laughing at jokes, which might not seem funny to you. And in the way of living other’s life; we forget what we really are? We forget our desires, deep within. We start taking life for granted.   We confuse ourselves. At home we want happiness, at office we want status, money, and at the social circle we want attention.

What do we really want? Who we actually are? This stairway to heaven seems to be never ending…

This blog of mine has all but questions, questions and questions…

And here I sing along….

I watch the sun go down like every one of us
I’m hoping that the dawn will bring a sign.
A better place for those, who will come after us …
This time

I’m just a dreamer
I dream my life away oh yeah
I’m just a dreamer.